Category Archives: Vulnerability and Writing

You know what I think causes a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering? Wanting what we think we “should”want. We know what we really want but those desires get crowded out  by all the messages that try to dictate what we want. From advertising and commercials to family and friend’s. It’s all too easy to get swayed by the wind of opinions that are not our own.

I have experienced this in my own life. Me and my husband decided a few years ago to downsize from a 2000 sq. condo to a 325 sq. ft apartment. Yep, our apartment was the size of a closet.  We wanted to live in a great neighborhood by the water, stay in budget, and have extra income to travel.  We decided that we didn’t want to get that by working more to get more money. We would work with the current income that we had. The condo was amazing and had all the bells and whistles, but it wasn’t what we wanted. We moved and it was fantastic. 2 years later we relocated to Texas and got swept up in what we thought we wanted. We got a larger apartment again that was at the top of our budget. We didn’t have as much residual income to travel like we wanted. We were miserable in this brand new luxury apartment. We relocated back to Chicago last year and decided to go back to what we wanted. We moved into a 750 sq. ft apartment with our baby. We have no desire right now to own a home or live in a large living space. Everyone has their opinion about it, but that is all it is: their opinion. It doesn’t matter that they can’t see themselves living like that. We are happy. We are living in a great area within our budget and not living ultra stressful lives.

Is it scary to know what you want and get it? Not really. What is hard is when you think of more creative (or unconventional ways) to get what you want. Funny thing when we moved into our 325 sq. ft apartment we thought it was totally normal because we found other couples who were doing the same thing. We read blogs, watched videos, had conversations, etc. The positive support and resources helped us to drown out the criticism of other people.

Now, I am bouncing the question back to you. What do you really want? Doesn’t matter how simple or grandiose it is. Now go deeper and think of all the ways you can get it. Don’t limit yourself to the “regular” responses. Really get creative about how you can make it happen.

Give yourself permission to want what you want. Live Your Life.

My daughter is 2.5 months old and I am totally in love. Even with all that love, there are days that I wish had do overs. Yesterday was one of them. Inara was super fussy as babies can be at this age. Diaper was dry; belly was full; temperature was fine. She just was having a hard time going to sleep. Then I was changing her diaper, and she got me. Which is code for she pooped on me. Then she went back to being fussy.  You don’t need to have a baby to have these kind of days, so here are some ways to get through those days when they do happen.

1. Don’t feel guilty. Yes, in the grand scheme of things my day wasn’t that bad. I have food, shelter, clothing, health, etc. That still doesn’t negate feeling like crap. Don’t shame yourself or let someone else shame you for having a not so great day.
2. Cry. My husband came home and I laid in the bed crying for about fifteen minutes. Just let myself have a breakdown. Allowing myself to feel it actually helped me get over it.
3. Get some rest. Let go of any expectations you had for the day. Don’t try to get a few things done on your to do list before you go to bed. Get some rest and get back in the game tomorrow.
4. Eat some comfort food. Splurge a little bit and eat some yummy food. My food of choice last night..chocolate donuts.
5. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. These days are few and for between for me, so this is my mantra. This will pass. Don’t forget that especially when you are in the low peaks and valleys of a horrible day.

Here’s to good days and not-so-good days.