30 by 31: More Lessons

Wow, I am at Lessons 19 -21 or 30 by 31. This has been such a great journey, not just with sharing here, but all of the reflection that I have been having the past few weeks. I am not going to lie the past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride emotionally and mentally, but so much growth is happening. I know that growth is not at all comfortable. This point is brought close to home as I grow a baby in this belly of mine (who is getting bigger and stronger each day!).

Ok here are a few more lessons to share with you!

30 by 31, Lesson # 19: Cry Ugly.  A good old fashioned cry releases so much more than moisture from your eyes. Tears are a beautiful thing that allow us to let go of what doesn’t serve us anymore to make room for what actually does.

30 by 31, Lesson # 20: Say No a lot. Saying no is easier said than done. We say a bunch of yeses and then feel overwhelmed. Even if a task is small, you have total permission to say no. Give yourself more space in your schedule to just be and roam.

30 by 31, Lesson #21: Take naps. I used to be like a little kid fighting sleep and not wanting take a nap. Naps are delicious things. They let us know that our mind and bodies need rest. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is actually give into the urge and REST.

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post my  30 by 31 lessons

30 by 31: Lessons 16-18

Here are few more lessons that I have learned along the way:

30 by 31, Lesson # 16: Take smaller steps. There is nothing wrong with taking small steps to get to the bigger goal. I have learned to see the power in smaller steps rather than always wanting to take large leaps.

30 by 31, Lesson # 17: Balance idealism with a bit of realism. I spent much of my twenties biting off more than I could chew, which led to lots of frustration and overwhelm. I am no less ambitious, but now I temper it with what I have learned in the past and by taking a honest look at the kind of effort I can put into a project, whether for myself or someone else.

30 by 31, Lesson #18: Practice self-patience. Many times when I felt like nothing was happening or that I wasn’t taking big enough action, I turned out to be wrong. All the steps matter. As Danielle LaPorte says, “Everything is Progress.” Patience reminds of that day in and day out.

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post my  30 by 31 lessons.

30 by 31: Keep Doing the Work

I have done a lot of self work. You know getting down to the nitty gritty with yourself and examining your patterns and beliefs. Working bit by bit to change what isn’t working and amplify what is the truth (which is that we are all perfection all the time even if we don’t realize it.) For me, it has been painful, relieving, uncomfortable, and pure joy all wrapped up together. I have had to grapple with stories that were stuck in my psyche and make a conscious decision to change the narrative.

This work never ends. I always hear people say “I am going to spend this year working on myself.” Honestly, it’s a continual progress. Yes, some years you dive deeper than others, but every day I have to show up and do the work. I have to check thoughts. I have to make sure my actions are in alignment with my desires. I have to let go. It doesn’t stop. Accepting that it doesn’t stop gives me a whole heck of a lot of peace about the process.

images (5)

This is one beautiful constant journey.

30 by 31 Lesson #12: Keep doing your self work. Keep making your inner renewal a priority each day.

 

 

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Feelings & Needs

I decided to share two lessons in one because they are so interrelated. They could be titled ” Taking Care of Yourself and Being Okay With it.” Cause honestly, these two are the hardest lessons sometimes for me to continue to enact in day to day life. Let me explain.

images (4)

I grew up being a people pleaser. I was consumed with making everyone around me very happy. As a child, I was greatly rewarded for this behavior. As I get older and moved into adulthood, I saw that this same behavior was a detriment to me. It caused me to diminish my talents in order to fit it.It made me not speak up for my needs and wants like others around me did. This had become a way for me to survive in certain environments by not ruffling feathers.  Yet, it was something that I was out growing.

Thankfully, I picked up a booked that was all about the concept of Non-violent Communication (NVC) and it gave me concrete ways to say what I was feeling. It also reminded me that it was totally acceptable for me to get my needs met directly or to tell someone how I was feeling.

In my marriage I learned to say how I was feeling, rather than “fine” (ladies you know what I am talking about!). Some times it felt so hard because it was new, but you know what was harder? Keeping all that emotion in about a situation that needed to be let out. The past year I have stood up for myself and said how I felt in many important relationships.  Talk about freedom and relief.

Being up front about my needs is totally related to the above lesson.  I am an introvert and many times I need quiet time after being with people for long stretches. For the past few weeks we have been living with in laws while we find an apartment. I told my husband that I needed some quiet time to regroup. For the past few days I haven’t interacted too much with my family, but I have no guilt about it because I am getting recharged. I don’t have to apologize for the fact that I need solitude to balance out social situations. No point in meeting your needs if you are going to feel guilty about doing it. This past year has been full of emails, calls, conversations where I put myself first. And it has made me no less giving or caring for others. In fact, I found more compassion the more compassionate I care for my own needs.

30 by 31 Lesson #9: Say what you are feeling. Being direct and honest saves time and so much energy. 

30 by 31 Lesson #10: Never apologize for meeting you needs. 

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Progress over Perfection

Since I was a little girl, I have been ambitious. I set my eyes on a goal and I do what it takes to make it happen. This ambition, thankfully, has stayed with me through adulthood. Unfortunately, I sometimes get so fixated on making it happen just right that I lose sight of the progress that  I have made along the way. On the way to larger goals and milestones, I have to remind myself that progress is growth. It has helped me to not be so hard on myself. It has also helped me to re-evaluate where I actually want to go.

images (3)

As I continue in my thirties, I want to keep that in mind, especially as I welcome a new child into my life!

30 by 31 Lesson #8: It’s about progress, not perfection. Make sure to acknowledge all of your growth as you get to your next step.

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Get Outside

Being outdoors has always helped me to clear my mind and find inner peace in stressful situations. Whenever I feel disconnected, I make my way outside. It has mad all of the difference as I have dealt with trying situations over the past few years.

download (3)

 

30 by 31 Lesson 7: Make time in your schedule to get outdoors.

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Self-Forgiveness

Seaset

The most important person that I have had to forgive is myself. Self-forgiveness has been at the cornerstone of my self work. So much baggage I was holding on to was guilt about how I handled certain things, decision that I made, and so on. It took some time to really and truly forgive myself about certain things. This is constant process for me. Yet, the more I do it, the more free I feel. And the more free I feel, the more I move towards what my heart desires.

30 by 31 Lesson 6: Forgive yourself always.

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Breathe

download (2)

I used to have a tendency to hold my breath and hold on to tension, especially in my shoulders and neck. I still have those moments, but I am much quicker to stretch and breathe. Why? Because whatever I am stressing out about will not get solved with anxious energy. I always have a clear mind when after I inhale and exhale a few times. Intentionally breathing always brings me back to my essence, the part of me that is calm, cool, and collected because I’m simply being.

Breathing has necessarily caused problems to solve themselves, but it has reminded me that no matter the crisis: I will figure it out.  I will overcome. And that I will most definitely be ok.

There is also a song called “Breathe” that reminds me of this truth beautifully by Natalie Stewart of Floetry. (listen here)

30 by 31 Lesson #5: Always remember to breathe, especially when you are worried. 

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Decisions and Opinions

Honestly, the opinions of others don’t matter in the grand scheme of action. I get to do exactly what I want even if it flies in direct opposition to what people think I “should be doing.” Is it uncomfortable? Umm, yes times a million.  But that discomfort doesn’t make me powerless. I take all of those suggestions into consideration and then I make the best move for me.

download (1)

In my twenties and first year as a thirty something I have: relocated 3 times; gotten married in secret and not told anyone for 2 years; decided not to have a child until I was 30 (and am so excited about that new bundle coming in December); quit lots of jobs, and the list goes on.

Some of those decisions were downright silly, but you know what? They were my decisions and I dealt with the consequences. And it’s all good. Did it make my parents cringe? Yes. Did family members and friends have a mouthful to say? Yep. Did it make me question if I was doing the right thing? For sure.

Did it stop me from living my life on my terms? Nope.

What is even more beautiful, everyone survived and moved on with their lives as I moved on with mine.

30 by 31 Lesson #3: Never allow the opinions of those close to you to disempower your own decision making about YOUR life.

What is 30 by 31 all about? I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.

30 by 31: Pause

I am a pretty ambitious person. I set my eyes on something and run like hell to get it. Many times, though, I have found myself swimming in stress and confusion. Moving so fast that I don’t know what my next step should be. Moving so quickly that I lose sight of what I really want to gain. Even beginning to feel disconnected to what I am doing.

download

The best thing to do has been to pause. To stop for a fleeting moment or for months on trying to make whatever it is happen. Taking time to reflect, re-evaluate, and ground myself in my experience. Getting to the root of the stress, confusion, and disconnection so that I can take even stronger steps from here on out.

30 by 31 Lesson #2: When feeling overwhelmed take a pause (brief or long) before taking another step. 

I turn 31 next month, and want to reflect on my first year as a thirtysomething. Follow my journey here as I post each day with another 30 by 31 lesson.