As much as I try to hold it together, there are some days where it all falls apart. Take this morning for example. I had planned on going to the store to get some water for the baby’s formula and doing laundry. I went to the key rack and there were no keys. I searched the apartment which was a mess of toys, clothes, dishes, and everything else. I could not find the keys after searching what felt like everywhere. My daughter is happily crawling around, all while I am falling apart bit by bit. You have to understand that as a person with a hyperactive mind (adult ADHD), it can be difficult to find things. It was like the keys were invisible. I have been in this place many times before and it is no less overwhelming each time.
Before a complete meltdown occurred, I went into the room and woke my husband. I asked where he had put the keys. He told me they were on the couch, which I swear I had looked a bunch of times. I told him that I didn’t see them. I also admitted that I was overwhelmed and having a moment. He immediately got out of the bed and told me to take a breath. He went into the living room and magically found the keys in a spot where I was looking. He told me to wait on the laundry and grocery store so that we could all get out of the house, get some fresh air, and chill. I agreed rather than fight because my well being is more important than a to do list. My well being is more important than trying to be a perfect mother.
After taking a few breaths, I fed my daughter and got her packed up for our impromptu road trip. We drove around for 2 hours with the windows down talking about everything and listening to Spotify. I came back home feeling completely refreshed.
I tell you this story to let you know that we are all going through it. That we all feel like melting down. A few years ago, this scene would have been much different. I would not have told anyone how I was feeling and held all of that overwhelm inside. Which would have snowballed all day until I broke down in tears or isolated myself from everything.
No need to feel ashamed when life feels anything but smooth, even if “minor” things are throwing you off. Let those around you know so they can help you. Remember that your well being is more important than a to do list or email response. Take a small bit of time for yourself to unwind, cry, scream, dance to release energy. Sometimes the house is a mess, your clothes are dirty, and the kids are zombies in front of the tv because you don’t have the energy to play. That is ok. There are brighter days ahead of this dark one.
Day by Day. breath by breath. Step by step.
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