4 years ago on today, I carefully set my clothes out and anxiously waited to be secretly wed to my beloved in 24 hours.
Every year that we choose to continue on as partners, I am reminded of this: Marriage(domestic partnerships, relationships in general) aren’t just a romantic unions. It is also a laboratory of exploration. It’s a constant mirror into our souls. It’s a space of deep learning.
4 years later, these are the lessons I am reflecting on and holding close:
1. Individual goals are just as important as mutual ones. In order for a marriage to evolve, then both people need to be evolving on their own. Having your own goals, passions, and strengths add to the a strong, healthy partnership.
2. Sometimes you ditch the goals. Let’s face it life throws us stuff that is not planned. Me and the hubby have become quite good at flowing with what life is bringing. When we choose to flow it makes things a whole lot easier. It’s also not wrong to evaluate your goals. We decided just a few months ago that we wanted to change our goal of having a house right now for a smaller space, so we could travel.
3. Feel into the discomfort. Frustration, anger, and other emotions swirl in any relationship. Rather than try to move past it so quickly, give yourself time to really feel into what isn’t comfortable. As we go on in marriage, we both give each other more space during arguments, which yields much better results in the end. Taking time to honor that discomfort brings many aha moments and wisdom.
4. Gratitude! Gratitude is the magical elixir for life. Noticing and acknowledging what we are grateful for keeps us focused on what matters and shifts moods quickly. I am always expressing what I am grateful for about my husband and vice versa.
To my husband: You are the love of my life. Thank you for choosing to love me one moment at a time. For your patience and determination to keep our marriage strong. Thank you for being yourself and always challenging me to live my own wild life on my own terms.
There you have it 4 lessons in 4 years 🙂